Sunflower Dog Stole my Pants
This afternoon at work I walked into the parlor and someone said something about a sunflower. “Oh, I just remembered my dream!” I thought to myself. At least I thought I thought to myself because I looked up and everyone was staring at me. So I told them about my dream last night and now I will tell you.
I was in a forest, a densely gnarled forest like the ones in Washington. A dog-like sunflower creature was jumping on me, barking and wagging it’s tail… I mean stem. I sat down to pet it and it started licking my face. It’s body was made of a few intertwined stems. The creature was mostly head — a big, yellow sunflower of a head. It’s face was made of sunflower seeds and it had a pink tongue.
The weird thing is, when I got out of bed this morning, I wasn’t wearing pants! I know I went to sleep with them on.1 I often wonder if I sleepwalk because I’ve noticed objects have been moved that I know I didn’t touch. I’ve been told I talk in my sleep, not just random words but entire conversations. I’ve thought about setting up a tape recorder, but maybe I should setup a video camera instead.
1 I left out the last part of this story when I told it at work and I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it here either. Oh well, no one actually reads this anyway.
Odd Fortunes
Ordering Chinese takeout and watching a movie is one of favorite pastimes and will cure anything — except death and most farm machinery accidents. After I ate, I opened my fortune cookie and read the fortune:
I ordered the shrimp this time. What? Is it going to be better next time? That’s a suggestion not a fortune.
A few months ago, on a another fortune cookie opening, I found a bewildering fortune:
Speaking of dogs and bones, I visited my friends and their dogs last weekend. I awoke early in the morning because I had a disturbing dream: I was at the reception desk of a local hotel trying to claim the body of a Mexican man before they made him into bone soup and served him in the lobby. I couldn’t get back to sleep and I was really hungry. I read an interview with Tom Waits in my friends’ basement while I waited for them to wake up. When they woke up we went to the diner for breakfast. I had raisin bread French toast with the real maple syrup that’s kept under the counter for special guests, sausage links, and coffee — a heavenly combo.
Filed Under: Dreams + Food + Fortunes
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I Had a Dream, Nick
I had a dream that Nick Cave was performing in front of this guy. Nick was playing parts of songs spanning his entire career and as he played each song his face changed to what it looked like at the time he originally wrote the song. The other guy, a contestant, screamed, “I can’t take it anymore!” It was some sort of reality show where musicians try to annoy people. It was called I Can’t Take it Anymore!.
I called the BBC today, they aren’t interested. I’m going to email Nick and see what he thinks.
I lied, here’s another YouTube thang. I just wanted to play the song because it was appropriate. But I cross my wooden leg and swear on my glass eye that this is the last—until next time.
Crazy Dream, Great Sleep
I haven’t posted a dream in awhile because either I don’t remember them or they’re too revealing. Last night, I had a crazy dream and I remember it vividly.
These two tall, skinny girls dragged me—I was very willing—into an abandoned college or hospital. (The girls reminded me of two French girls that used to treat me like their pet and carry me around at summer camp when I was five or six. They didn’t speak English and I didn’t speak French, so we never talked.) I was barefoot, and we were running around, trying to get passed security. We hid in a shower room that had an inordinate amount of shower curtains.
All of sudden I was wrapped up in one of the shower curtains and being dragged across the floor. It was weird because I woke up during this and still felt like I was being dragged. I thought I was being kidnapped from my apartment. I went back to sleep and reentered my dream. Maybe I was abducted by aliens last night.
Anyway, back to the dream. I was unwrapped from my shower curtain cocoon on the floor of an abandoned laboratory. A woman, who looked like Julianne Moore, walked up to me. She told me I was a prodigy, messiah, or something… basically, someone important. She then told me that they needed to remove an implant that controlled me with sound. I asked where it was. She showed me a surgical hammer and looked at my skull. I didn’t even have time to panic because everything went black.
I woke up with a headache and bandages on my head. The building was surrounded and they were trying to get me out of there. I was rushed out the door into a tent that flew. The zipper was stuck and we had to go back in….
That’s it. I woke up—for real this time. My head is fine and I woke up at home. Despite these nightmarish events, last night was the best sleep I’ve had in weeks.
Dreaming of a New Religion
Yesterday, I found a dream tucked in the pocket of my Moleskine (that sounds like a euphemism) that I jotted down on a scrap of paper on the morning of December 29, 2006:
It was my first day at a new job. I’m not sure what I did, but it seemed like I took the job as a last resort. I was at my desk in the communal work area. The desks were in a row that faced the front, like a classroom with bigger desks.
Bored with trying to pretend I was working, I got up and walked into the hallway. It looked like one in a shitty apartment building: no windows, dirty, and lots of wood trim. A girl I once knew walked out from another office. From what I could see, it was more a living room than an office. We were talking, the usual awkward small talk one has when running into someone they once had a connection with. I noticed there was another girl with her wearing a hood over her head. Suddenly, I realized the other girl was the first girl I ever fell in love with. I yelled her name, “____!”, and we embraced.
Then, from that same office, a bunch of people came out. It seemed like a meeting had just ended. They told me they found a new religion and asked if I wanted to meditate. I agreed. I was told to remove my clothes. I did and joined the others. In groups, we stood around these things that looked like Marcel Duchamp’s Bottle Rack (Bottle Dryer). We knelled down and intertwined our arms around the rack. It was like a basket weaving of limbs. I had a hard time figuring out the pattern, but eventually got it. Blankets were pilled on top of us.
I started to sweat and was very uncomfortable, so I whispered to the person next to me, “How long do we have to do this?”
“Three hours”, he said.
“Th… th… three f%$#ing hours!?” I yelled. I grabbed my pants and left.
A Fire, a Truck, and an Insect
Underneath a bridge an alarm clock was on fire and melting. I ran back to the barn I was living in to get something to put out the flames. I was so concerned about the alarm clock that I didn’t notice that the barn was on fire too. I only realized it when the couple who lived in the farmhouse told me. I was in the driveway, halfway back to the bridge at this point. I turned around to see, through the open barn doors, all my possessions in flames. None of the furniture or walls were on fire, just the things I cared about: photos, artwork, books, etc. The flames were put out somehow, but all of my things were gone. I stood there dumbfounded, realizing everything was gone. In addition to losing my job and all of my friends, now I didn’t have a home or any belongings. I was fine with it because this meant I had no attachments. I could go anywhere and do anything. All of the clutter was gone. I was a clean slate.
I was trying to sell the read and white pickup truck that Redneck Joe, a former coworker, gave me. I had been driving it for awhile without insurance or license plates.
A bunch of us were sitting in someone’s living room. A large creepy insect crawled out of the ceiling and down the wall. We all watched it. We had never seen anything like it. It jumped on me and crawled all over me. I woke up.