Disconnections
I’ve been thinking about cutting down on communicating over the internet for quite sometime — mostly emailing, but also IMing and social network websites (I seldom use those two things anyway) — because it feels cold, empty, and impersonal. Instead, I’m going to use more personal ways to communicate: phone, mail, leaving notes in random places, messages in bottles, in person, etc.
The internet is very useful, but as a way to communicate, it has its weaknesses. It’s a poor substitute for seeing someone or hearing their voice. Plus, tone is hard to convey (I find it especially difficult), so messages are misinterpreted. I’ve had neighbors and friends living in the same town as me that I only or mostly contact through the internet; that’s just silly and a bit offensive.
I’ll still use it, especially for friends in far off places, just not as much. Unfortunately, I know a few people that I only communicate with via the internet so I probably won’t hear from them much, if at all. That’s fine; I’d rather have real connections than a virtual ones anyway. I’ve often wondered if I really know them or if they know me.
“Things have dropped from me. I have outlived certain desires; I have lost friends, some by death… others through sheer inability to cross the street.” —James Thurber
The other night, I went out to a bar (first time since Halloween) for an anti-Valentine’s Day get together. A few people at the table kept checking their cellphones for text messages, while real conversations were happening around them. I started talking to the girl next to me about how emails, text messages, IMs, etc. are cold and aren’t really connecting people. She told me about a friend who deletes people after a week if she doesn’t hear from them or they keep giving her excuses for not getting together. That’s a bit excessive, but I like it; I respect bluntness.
If I don’t hear from someone for a month or two, I usually give up (unless they’re in the hospital, out of the country, dead, etc.) and stop trying to contact them — oh well, their loss. I’ve always included email, but I’m going to stop and that means I should give up on a lot of people (a few should give up on me too). I’m not saying I’ll never talk to these people again, I will if they make an effort that doesn’t involve typing and hitting send. Perhaps this is childish.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” —Dr. Seuss
People tend to not say what they feel because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so they come up with excuses, which I find more offensive. I’m all about efficiency: I don’t want them to waste energy on making excuses nor do I want to waste energy on someone that has no interest in me and vice versa. Time is too short for futile endeavors. Be blunt, tell them to go away and your reason why. People respect honesty, or at least I do.
It’s funny (in a sad way), I wrote about similar feelings of disconnection a year ago, almost to the day. Despite my efforts, things haven’t changed much and I always feel this way, maybe it’s the mid-winter blues that makes me want to say something and do something about it again.
I’m on MySpace and Facebook, but rarely use them. To me, they seem like superficial connections; I don’t understand the attraction or the point. I don’t use them to connect or reconnect with others. I’ve sent messages or comments maybe 5 times. I have them for the same reason I have this website: to whore my creative endeavors. I’m deleting my accounts soon because I just don’t have a use for them; if you’re a virtual friend of mine, don’t take it personally.
You may be wondering if I’ll still blog. Don’t worry, it’s not going anywhere. However, it’s going to be less of a window into my personal life and more of a window into my working life. That means more pretty pictures and less complaining — I’ll present my complaints in visual form instead of words from now on.
I must go, I have some calls to make. I also have some cleaning to do: my neglected apartment and my contact list. Also, I said I wouldn’t turn on a computer all weekend.
2 Comments
Janelle Faith Tavormina said 290 days ago:
I like your word blogs as much as the visuals.
S.R. Wild said 290 days ago:
Thanks. I never know if people hate this stuff or read it all. I’m self-conscious as it is, and the fact that anyone in the world could read this makes me even more so. I try to picture them in their underwear, that seems to help.
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