Wild Adventures in Mundanity: The Dentist Part II
I have a high tolerance for pain: I can handle riding my bike home with a broken collarbone, having a doctor reset my forearm without medication, go about my daily routine with a broken rib, move all my junk into a new apartment after falling down a flight of stairs, etc. However, when it comes to my teeth I’m a f@%#in’ wimp. My own personal hell would be me repeatedly getting my teeth cleaned with mayonnaise while listening to Nickelback.
Today, I had my first cleaning in awhile. Man, there was some extreme uncleanliness lurking in the shadowy corners of my teeth—no wonder dogs wouldn’t even kiss me. It’s been so long that the hygienist couldn’t finish the job. I have to go back (look out for part 3 of this exciting mundane adventure). Of course, my insurance only covers one cleaning ever six months. Now, I have to cough up money I don’t have to do something I could have avoided if I wasn’t lazy. F@%# it, at least every visit after will be free.
The only thing I look forward about going there is the used clothing store next to it. I picked up a swanky wool blazer (look, I’m wearing it now; looks good, no?) and some postcards that may end up in the mailbox of a lucky person who’s reading this.
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Wild Adventures in Mundanity: The Dentist Part I
For those of you who’d like to keep abreast of my exciting life, I’m starting a series of blog posts: Wild Adventures in Mundanity (WAiM).
I went to the dentist today and I haven’t been since 2003, so I was a bit worried something horribly wrong would be found with my pearly yellows. Horrible things like I need dentures, a rotting tooth spread its decay to my jaw and needs to be removed, or I have a cavity. [This is a perfect example “Perverse Psychology”, a new concept I came up with where I think of the worst possible outcome of a situation so no matter what happens it can’t possibly be as bad as I thought.] Alas, my teeth aren’t too bad, just unclean and have the potential to be problematic if I’m lazy… um, lazier. I just need to floss, get a good cleaning, and use some sensitive toothpaste because (like me) my teeth are sensitive to temperature change and poking.
I had x-rays taken (see below) and was fascinated to find it’s all digital now. I had to bite down on the usual t-shaped paper thing but it was connected to a laptop by a wire. Seconds later, my teeth were on the screen. The tooth lady said it used one-tenth the radiation of a regular x-ray. And of course, I asked for copy of the x-rays to add to my collection. Next time I’ll bring a USB drive and see if I can get the hi-res images.
When the dentist was checking me out, his baby blue rubber gloved fingers felt around my tongue, cheeks, gums, and other parts of my mouth I wasn’t aware of. My mouth hasn’t been explored so thoroughly without a bottle of vodka involved in a long time. I left 20 bucks on the tray while I was leaving.
Stay tuned for the next edition of Wild Adventures in Mundanity. Future exciting adventures are in the works: a haircut, new glasses, a prostate exam, cleaning the bathtub, and more!